You Can Relax Without Smelling Like Grass

Raise your hand if you would love to relax but you find it physically and mentally impossible for way too many reasons!

Can you see my hand?

Yes, relaxing, that pastime where there is never enough time to partake in. There’s nothing like having a long day, coming home, stepping through the front door of your complex and SMELLING THE RATCHET COMING RIGHT AT YOUR NOSE!

Look, I have absolutely no right to judge anyone or their recreational habits. I know this. You know this. People who knew me way back in the day know this. I am far from perfect. However, I am a strong believer that if what you do to relax affects others in a negative way then you either need to modify it in someway or more than likely, cut it out. Let’s say hypothetically you live in my building. Maybe you moved in less than a month ago and maybe the place you moved into has a lot of children and is located in a state where your choice of recreation isn’t exactly legal yet and your lease clearly states that you can and will be evicted if complaints happen to be legit. Maybe you also like to have loud conversations outside at 1030pm telling everyone about how your boo thing is marrying someone else. Maybe.

Like I said, I’m not here to judge your ratchet, stinky, illegal behavior no matter how much it may inconvenience my nose, ears, stomach, person. I’m just saying that there are plenty of ways to relax that won’t get you kicked out of your house or makes your neighbors want to leaving flaming bags of baby poo on your doorstep. I want to relax. You want to relax. Let’s relax together but in different places because you smell.

Here are my top ways of relaxing that doesn’t make you look like a total turd nugget:

  1. Take a warm bath. Try adding some nice essential oils
  2. Listen to smooth jazz
  3. Take up writing
  4. Craft something
  5. Talk on the phone with a friend…while sitting in your house…away from my window
  6. Burn some candles. Yes, candles.
  7. Sing
  8. Read a book. The Bible is a personal favorite.
  9. Watch a movie
  10. Eat something yummy
  11. A glass of wine is always fine.
  12. Defunkafy your house   Hug a puppy
  13. Stop pretending to be Bob Marley
  14. Write a letter to someone
  15. Do a puzzle
  16. Bake for your neighbors to say sorry for running their carpet with your stench.
  17. Learn to be happy with yourself instead of using something to blur the reality of life, thus blinding you from the beauty that may lie just beyond your troubles.

See, there are plenty of things to do. Enjoy yourself. Smile.

My name is Meg and I’m off to relax with ice cream and bad 90s sitcoms with kids who have too large of vocabularies.

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