I’ll Take Your Stuff, Hold The Murder: A Poor Person’s Rant About Craigslist

I love Craigslist.

I must search the site at least six times a day and not just for my location but for like the next three closest ones as if I have the gas or car space to do this foolishness on the regular.

Dang, those huge car seats and huge baby butts that occupy them.

There’s something about getting that great deal of something you more than likely don’t need off of the free section from some rich couple who just upgraded and decided to rain their “junk”down upon us poor unfortunate souls. Let me tell you, I’m thankful for them. Everyone in my house is sleeping on a free mattress right now. I’m currently writing on my pillowtop king mattress.

Craigslist is a wonderland of stuff. From furniture to pets, jewelery to clothes, cars that someone may have been murdered in to that date you are planning on ditching “on your way to the bathroom” because he gave you that Netflix and kill you in a bathtub of Jello and Ramen. It is brilliant but all brilliant man made things have their flaws. Here are a few of my “favorite” Craigslist flaws:

Flaw #1: The no response. I see your item. I want it. It was posted ten minutes ago. I email/text/call you, like you asked. It’s been 12 hours. Silence. The post is still up but my hopes are not. I get it. People get busy but you know when you posted an item. CHECK YO STUFF!

Flaw #2: The Overposter. I get it. You have something you want to get rid of or sell and you want to do it.

DO NOT KEEP POSTING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

There’s nothing more annoying than seeing the same ad for a broken toilet seat and a well loved armchair 153 times in a row. I end up missing out on something I actually want because you keep having Craigslist diarrhea. I’m also looking at you, person who post the same unwanted item every single day. I think it’s safe to say that after three weeks no one wants your hole ridden shirt.

Flaw #3: Dirty Post. Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean literal dirty post. I will never forget about a year ago, I logged on and there was a post for an old dirty mattress. You couldn’t even classify this shade of brown. I literally think someone was making a mud sculpture in the form of a mattress. Why? Why? Just why? Why on earth would you think that someone wants your literal trash? Scrapers are one thing but if you’re trying to pawn off your mold covered underwear bequeathed to you by your great great aunt who thought they were what got her through the Great War, you’re nasty and deserved to be banned from Craigslist… and life.

Flaw #4: The Trolls. Ah! The Internet Troll. Lonely lost people looking for the next immature high. These are the people who post fake ads, ads with misleading information, or answer ads to unleash their inadequacies on to others. They are heroes in their own lives…and no one else’s.

Flaw #5: The Indecisive Buyer. Look, do you want the item or not? I’ve actually had several buyers like this who at the last minute have doubts, try to haggle, or have too many conditions on the pick up. I once had a guy who tried to haggle down a price on something by $30, wanted me to drive to him during the workday so he could check it out, and wanted video of the item.

Dude, stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.

 

My husband is so sick of my habit, especially since I make him go get it (I’m a poor defenseless woman). I think he secretly enjoys it and the new free clothes he got two weeks ago. It’s addictive stalking the free section. Especially on weekends after one when people put up all their leftover yard sale items. Try it.

I’m Meg and I hope you don’t end up in someone’s basement hunting down a free pasta maker.

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